Opening a conversation on a dating app feels a little like walking onto a stage in your underwear. You shuffle through awkward lines in your head, trying to choose between “Hey,” “Hi,” or “Please don’t judge me by my profile picture.” No one teaches you this stuff in school. Yet here you are, thumb sweating, about to type out your first message to a stranger who once held a baby goat and wrote “adventure awaits” in their bio.
I remember sending my first opener with confidence. “Do you prefer waffles or pancakes?” I thought it was witty. The reply was three dots, then nothing. Ghosted in record time. Let’s be honest, most of us have sent a message so stiff it could’ve been written by a robot on sleep mode.
Swiping and matching gets your hopes up. But when it’s time to actually start a chat, you start overthinking every word. If you want to stand out and not sound like you’re applying for a job at Awkward & Sons, you need some basic street smarts. Humor helps. Calling out something real on their profile wins points. Everyone’s tired of “Heyyy” and “How’s your day?” So let’s trade bland hellos for something that makes your match pause, smile and, just maybe, remember you tomorrow.
Know Your Audience: Read the Profile Like a Detective
Before you start typing, take a breath. Channel your inner detective. Opening someone’s profile is like walking into their bedroom while they’re still in the shower—you can learn a lot with one good look. This part isn’t about being weird. It’s about picking out clues. Everyone’s profile shows cracks and quirks. You just have to spot them.
Avoid the Copy-Paste Catastrophe: Roast people who send “Hey” to everybody
Photo by RDNE Stock project
Let’s be honest. If your go-to opener is “Hey,” you might as well hand your phone to your grandma and let her swipe for you. If someone’s inbox looks like a haunted house, “Hey” is the creaky door nobody wants to open.
People who drop “Hey” everywhere must also wear white socks with sandals. Or worse, ketchup on steak. Don’t be that person. Instead, read and react. If their profile says, “Dog dad, travel junkie, can juggle flaming pineapples,” don’t you dare type, “Hey.” Ask, “Do your neighbors ever complain about your pineapple juggling? Or just the flames?” You’ll get a chuckle or at least a curious reply.
Picking something from their profile is like catching Spider-Man hiding behind a lampshade: not hard if you pay attention. Want to dig deeper? Check for local details, inside jokes, or odd turns of phrase. These small cues make you sound like a real person, not some “Hey”-bot from the dating app underworld. Here’s a quick look at how to spot the clues:
- A local coffee shop name? Mention a drink there, even if you hate oat milk.
- A favorite hobby that sounds made up? Call it out.
- Bad pun in their bio? Send a better one.
And if you think it’s not worth putting in the effort, ask yourself: When was the last time you were excited to answer “Hey”? (Yeah, me neither.) If you want proof that fake or bland messages blend right in, even bots use this trick, as pointed out on Reddit’s Online Dating community.
Find the Weird, Use the Weird
Now let’s talk about the weird. Everybody has some. Dating apps are like thrift stores for personalities. Every profile has something offbeat, tucked between all the forced smiles and “love to laugh” clichés. Seek it out.
My friend once matched with someone who bragged, “I make the world’s best sandwich. Fight me.” That’s the stuff. Instead of “Hey,” hit them with, “If your sandwiches are really that good, is there a waiting list, or do I get VIP access?” Mock confidence with confidence.
Here’s how to use the oddball stuff:
- Quirky pets: “You have a pet lizard named Mr. Pickles? Does he approve your matches?”
- Funny bio flexes: “You once met Weird Al and survived? Tell the story—bonus points for accordion details.”
- Nerdy interests: “Your playlist has more video game scores than pop songs. Got any tracks that make folding laundry less tragic?”
Profiles often carry wild details. Look for clues on sandwich wars, minor superpowers, or secret lizard friendships. Making your opener about these topics shows you spent five extra seconds reading—which is five more than most matches. If you need inspiration for what’s “odd but golden,” skim hilarious bios gathered by BuzzFeed or laugh your way through creative Tinder profile examples on TextGod. These spots can wake up your brain before you send a snoozy message.
Notice the details, call them out, and keep it light. After all, nobody remembers the “Hey” guy, but you’ll remember the person who asked about Mr. Pickles, Chief Lizard Officer.
Break the Ice: Humor, Games, and Oddball Questions
Ever try breaking the ice with someone on a dating app and feel like you’re auditioning for a toothpaste commercial? You drop that “what’s up” and pray it doesn’t get left on read. Most people want a message they can respond to without rolling their eyes. Humor works when you keep it fun, honest, and just a bit weird—like the first time you tried sushi and couldn’t pronounce anything on the menu. Let’s talk about how jokes, games, and oddball questions can turn awkward small talk into a story worth telling your friends.
Jokes, but Not the Ones Your Uncle Tells
Comedic confidence is sexy—awkward dad jokes, not so much. If you wouldn’t say it in a bar, you probably shouldn’t type it in your opener. It’s about vibes, not volume. Keep your humor light, flirty, and self-aware. If you bomb, at least you didn’t do it wearing socks with sandals.
I once matched with someone whose bio said, “Fluent in sarcasm and movie quotes.” I opened with, “If you don’t answer in movie quotes, do I lose points?” She clapped back with a line from Pulp Fiction and we were off. If I’d gone with a cheesy knock-knock joke, she’d have deleted our chat faster than an ex’s phone number.
What’s funny?
- A light pun about something in their bio.
- A self-own: “Full disclosure, my Spotify wrapped is mostly ‘90s boy bands. Judge me accordingly.”
- A meme reference if their photos hint they’d get it.
What falls flat?
- Out-of-nowhere innuendo. “Nice profile, want to see my dog?” Unless you have a dog in your pics, this sounds wrong.
- Overused lines. Nobody remembers who said, “Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?” but they remember who made them laugh.
- Inside jokes only you get.
When in doubt, keep your opener honest, curious, and quick. If you need some funny and effective ideas, check out the list at Bustle’s 75 Funny Dating App Conversation Starters.
‘Would You Rather’ and Other Games for Grown Folk
Texting games are not just for middle school. When you ask “Would you rather fight one horse-sized duck or a hundred duck-sized horses?” you do two things: you make the other person laugh, and you learn who’s ready for nonsense. You shake off the nerves and get a real answer about how weird (and fun) they are.
Photo by cottonbro studio
Here are some conversation starters and games for adults who can handle a little fun:
- Would You Rather: Skip the boring. Try “Would you rather have a third arm or a second nose?” or “Would you rather time travel to the ‘80s or 2080s?”
- Two Truths and a Lie: Tell two real things and one made up. Fast way to share secrets and spot who’s a good liar.
- Desert Island Picks: “You’re stranded on a desert island. What three things do you bring?”
- GIF Battles: One word conversation. Just reply using GIFs—goofy is gold.
These games do more than fill the silence. They give you clues about personality. Are they adventurous, playful, dry, or the type to always pick the weird answer? If you need some of the best playful questions for dating apps, browse ideas at 25 Smart and Funny Questions To Ask on Dating Apps.
A quick, odd question is like a ticket to skip the small-talk traffic jam. No one wants to do another “So what do you do for work?” on a Friday night. Bring in a little weird, a lot of fun, and pretty soon, you’ll go from strangers to “Remember that time we debated horse-sized ducks?”
Keep It Real: Authenticity and Directness Win
People love to say “just be yourself” on dating apps. Sounds easy, right? Like everyone knows how to do that on command with a screen between you. The truth is, most of us end up showing a highlight reel, or worse, auditioning for a part nobody is even casting. So, let’s talk about why dropping the act and keeping it one hundred is your best move. Whether you’re flexing a resume or bombarding with emojis, here’s how to avoid both ends of that awkward spectrum.
Don’t Be the Resume Guy or the Emoji Queen: Make fun of people who list off their achievements or use a hundred emojis. Explain how to strike a balance between being yourself and not oversharing.
You ever meet that one person on an app who’s got their LinkedIn, Instagram, and every known fact about themselves listed before you can say hi? The “Resume Guy” wants you to know he runs 5Ks, knows three languages, volunteers with dolphins, and once met Beyoncé’s dog. He leaves no stone unturned. By the time you finish reading, you wonder if he’s applying to date you or running for student council.
On the flip side, there’s “Emoji Queen.” She turns every message into a cryptic rebus. You can’t even read her opener without scrolling three times and decoding twelve inside jokes, six hearts, three unicorns, and—somehow—a dancing shrimp. Is this supposed to be flirty or is the phone glitching out?
Too much story? You look thirsty. Too many emojis? You look twelve. If you can’t remember if you’re talking to a person or a bowl of Lucky Charms, it’s time to reel it in.
Here’s how to strike balance:
- Share, but don’t dump: Drop a random fun fact, not your whole Wikipedia entry. Don’t fit three therapy sessions into the chat.
- Use emojis like salt: A sprinkle adds flavor. A whole jar makes people run.
- Flexes? Sprinkle, don’t spray: Mention you climbed a mountain if it comes up. Don’t drop a selfie on Everest before “hello.”
- Avoid the trauma jump scare: Don’t turn your first message into a plot twist with childhood wounds. Slow down.
Oversharing can kill your shot before it starts, and experts back it up. If you need proof, check out this article on why oversharing on dating apps drives people away. Stay interesting, not overwhelming.
Got a match? Treat it like meeting someone on a park bench. Smile, say something real, but save your autobiography for week three.
Handle Ghosting Like a Grown Up (or at Least Try): Poke fun at being ghosted and how to not take it personal. Offer quick, funny advice on moving on or coming back with a slick follow-up.
There are two kinds of people on dating apps. Those who send messages into the abyss, and those who pretend ghosts aren’t real. Ghosting hurts, and yet it’s one of the few things everyone on a dating app will go through. If you haven’t been ghosted, your phone is probably broken.
Let’s talk about the pain. You send a clever line, you get a reply, you go back-and-forth, and then—BOOM—they vanish. Like Thanos snapped your match out of existence. You keep checking your phone, thinking, “Maybe they tripped and dropped their phone in a sewer?” Nah, they just stopped answering. It’s like watching a magic act where your feelings disappear but the awkwardness stays.
Here’s how to deal:
- Don’t write the sequel in your head: Their silence is not a mystery novel for you to solve.
- Take the hit and move: Don’t send another three messages asking if they “got lost on the way to reply.” They did.
- Fire off a slick follow-up (if you must): Hit them with, “If you were kidnapped, blink twice in your next reply.” If you don’t get one, it’s safe to say they’re free and choosing not to reply.
- Remember, it ain’t all about you: Most of the time, ghosting isn’t personal. Science says so. According to Psychology Today, it’s common and has little to do with how charming you are.
My own friend once matched with a guy who sent a single message, got left on read, and instead of blowing up their inbox, he sent a photo of a tumbleweed with “Guess you’re busy, huh?” That’s how you do it. Laugh, shake it off, and go swipe somebody new. Besides, if they ghost you early, they probably weren’t sticking around anyway.
Ghosting stings. So does stepping on a LEGO. Both hurt for a minute then you’re back to walking like normal soon enough.
The Endgame: Swiping Toward Real Connection
Let’s keep it one hundred—nobody joined a dating app to make a new pen pal. You’re in the chat, it’s flowing, and now it’s time for the real play: turning that good banter into a face-to-face meetup. Getting stuck in endless DMs is like running the wash cycle on repeat with no dryer in sight. At some point, you’ve got to take your shot or be left staring at blue ticks and thinking about all the love letters you never sent.
All you want is a smoothie date or a coffee that doesn’t cost $12.99. But if you mess up the timing, you either fumble the bag or skid into Clingyville. Trust me, every swiper’s got a story. Let’s break down how to actually go for the date without looking desperate or running a marathon of thumb wars.
When (and How) to Ask for That Date: Give practical but witty advice for making the jump from chat to reality. Play up the risk of waiting too long or coming on too strong, in a playful tone.
Photo by cottonbro studio
Here’s the truth: If you wait too long to ask, you risk being filed under “Forgotten Matches” (also known as purgatory). Snooze too much, and they’ll vanish like socks in a dryer. But jump in too quick, and you might look like you’re running a pyramid scheme for awkward coffee dates.
Best practice? Don’t try to set a record for the fastest ask, but don’t let the chat grow moldy either. According to real folks on Reddit, three to five good back-and-forths is a sweet spot. That’s enough to swap more than just “Hey, what do you do?” but not enough to plan your kids’ preschool interviews.
- Read the Vibe: If the convo feels electric, don’t torture yourself with a waiting period. Real talk: If she sends memes back and matches your jokes, that’s green light city.
- Keep it Light: Swing for something casual first. Try, “You seem cool. How about trading screens for coffee this weekend?”
- Close the Combo: Slide in with confidence, but not cockiness. If you’re nervous, own it: “I’m gonna risk sounding cheesy, but are you up for coffee, or should we keep meme-battling for eternity?”
Listen, I get it. Most people think asking out too early is thirsty. But let’s be honest, you both know why you’re here. As one expert put it, “Don’t play by the rules and wait 24, 48, or 72 hours… If you’re enjoying the conversation, suggest meeting up.” That advice comes straight from Refinery29’s tips for moving from match to real date.
But don’t stop reading yet. What’s too soon? Swiping at 10am, meeting at 10:15am? Wild move. They might think you live inside the app or don’t own pants. Give it a few messages. But drag it out for a week with no solid plan, and you’re just writing a script for someone else’s first date.
Quick rules for the jump from app to date:
- Don’t send your number in the first message (unless you like robocalls).
- Aim for a real chat first, not a TED Talk.
- Skip the “Netflix and chill” opener. Unless you’re only shopping for a new remote buddy.
- If they stall or change the subject, back off. There’s no magic code—just respect their signals.
And if you crash and burn? Laugh, screenshot it (for your group chat), and try again next time. Everyone’s taken a loss. Someone once asked me to coffee before sunrise. I said, “Is this a job interview or a bank heist?” Never heard back. It’s all part of the game.
Balancing fear and action is the main plot here. Don’t turn your best lines into museum pieces. Get in, get out, get a date—or at least a story worth telling next time you swipe right. Even the dating pros on Quora say, shoot for meeting in person in about a week—or you might be left talking to your reflection.
Keep your cool, find your moment, and whatever you do, don’t die waiting in the app. The real fun happens out here in reality, not in a phone battery at 2%.
Conclusion
People treat dating apps like a lottery ticket. You swipe, you hope, and half the time you’re just praying you don’t match with your boss or your ex. Sending that first message can feel like playing Twister—one hand on honesty, another on humor, foot stuck somewhere near “please don’t ghost me.” But the magic happens when you keep it loose, throw in some wit, and maybe admit you once Googled “best opening lines for Bumble” at 2am.
Let’s be real. The perfect opening doesn’t need a TED talk or a “do you believe in love at first swipe?” speech. All it takes is paying some damn attention to a profile, asking a real question, and kicking things off with a little personality. Who knew making someone laugh online would work better than an hour at the gym?
If you get ghosted, sip your drink, show your group chat, and move on. If it sparks, good—maybe next week you’ll actually meet for tacos instead of watching seven seasons of blue message bubbles. Stay real, keep your chin up, and treat the app like the wild block party it is. And if you want to make someone’s day, send them a message that’s actually worth answering—don’t be the “Hey” zombie haunting everyone’s inbox.
Thanks for scrolling this far. Close your app for a second, message someone new, and don’t be afraid to bring the weird. The world’s a mess, but your next best chat could be one joke away.
